Nonverbal communication is the process of conveying information, emotions, attitudes, and intentions through nonverbal cues, either without words or as a complement to verbal communication. It primarily includes facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, body movements, interpersonal distance, and tone of voice. These cues influence how others interpret our messages, perceive our trustworthiness, and respond to us. In the workplace, nonverbal communication plays an important role in client meetings, presentations, conflict resolution, and team leadership.
The eyes are one of the most powerful tools of nonverbal communication. Even before a single word is spoken, they can reveal our emotions, intentions, and true attitude toward others. Being able to read eye contact correctly and understand what the eyes convey is important not only in personal life but also in professional settings. So, what exactly can the eyes reveal?
Your eyes say more than a long novel
Through nonverbal (also called non-verbal) communication, we give real meaning to the thoughts we try to express with words. This form of information exchange accounts for 60–65% of overall interpersonal communication. It is a completely natural way of expressing messages, which we usually use automatically and subconsciously. Facial expressions, gestures, posture, and movement dynamics – all of these reveal far more about us than we often wish. Most people can reliably detect when words are in conflict with what the speaker’s body is “saying.”
The first look means everything
The dilation or constriction of the pupils is a completely natural physiological phenomenon that occurs in each of us every day. What is less widely known, however, is that our pupils also change according to our current mood.
You are just meeting an attractive person. It seems that they are looking at you during the handshake, but their pupils are as small as pinheads. They show no emotion, have a rigid stare, eyes wide open, yet they are smiling? No wonder you do not quite trust that forced smile. Genuine laughter is warm and spontaneous, and whether a smile is sincere is revealed by the wrinkles in the skin beneath the eyes.
Even if your heart is on fire, beware of a burning stare
Are you staring at someone for a long and intense time? Be careful. The person you are examining so closely may think you are overly self-confident, arrogant, rude, or at the very least somewhat strange. A piercing stare is unpleasant for anyone.
On the other hand, the opposite extreme – constantly avoiding eye contact and letting your eyes dart around – does not make a good impression either. The other person may get the feeling that you are hiding something and cannot be trusted.
So how long should you look at someone to avoid appearing like a shy deer or an insecure, frightened individual – or, conversely, an arrogant show-off? As elsewhere, the old and proven rule applies: moderation in all things. In this case, that means approximately three seconds. That is the gaze of a healthily self-confident person.
Look into someone’s eyes just a few seconds longer if you want to express genuine interest. But even then, be careful not to overdo it. Yes, you mean well—but better restrain yourself. Such staring can be uncomfortable for the other person and may put them in an awkward position. A promising friendship could easily end in a fiasco.
Hi there, friend
Making eye contact with someone you know is much easier than with someone you are seeing for the first time. It usually starts with a spontaneous eye-to-eye glance, often accompanied by raised eyebrows. Then comes the greeting and a smile. If you meet someone you do not feel like talking to, it is often enough not to establish eye contact. You can return the glance only when you pass by closely. This clearly signals that you noticed the person but are simply not interested in conversation.
A look here, a look there
The conversation is in full swing. People are talking over one another. Someone in the middle is sipping a drink and looking slightly up to the left? They are probably tuning out their surroundings and trying to remember something. The main speaker is looking to the right? Then they are most likely making the story up on the spot. A colleague at the next table is talking to an attractive coworker but keeps looking at the ground, blinking excessively, alternately looking at their counterpart and then averting their gaze? They are lying through their teeth or hiding something. A new colleague who recently joined the sales department keeps darting their eyes around? Perhaps they were recently the target of a joke, someone mentioned it, and they still feel a bit embarrassed about it.
Your boss is piercing you with a sharp look because you did not pay enough attention to today’s brilliant presentation. He looks at you again? You start to feel uneasy. A third time? You cannot stand it anymore and look away. You have lost the eye battle – and in doing so, you have made it clear to your superior that they are the one in charge.
