When does communication actually become manipulation? After all, techniques used by hypnotists, advertisers and salespeople are also used in speeches and presentations. And when you think about it, all communication is, to some extent, an attempt to influence the audience. If you are trying to influence them, does that count as manipulation?
It is quite debatable. Let us take the example of an entrepreneur negotiating with an investor. His goal is to convince the investor to entrust him with his money. He tries to convince him of the potential of his idea, just as salespeople try to influence customers’ thoughts. They want you to realise how important their product is for you. Can this be perceived as manipulation?
Let’s start with a definition. Manipulation is an attempt to influence another person’s thinking and behaviour, consciously or unconsciously, in order to achieve personal desires and goals. The key to recognising manipulation is therefore not the number of techniques used, but the speaker’s intention. Selfish interests are enough to manipulate someone. The question remains how successful your manipulation will be.
Try to see the true intention behind communication
Take politicians, for example. Politics is all about manipulation. Public figures try to influence voters and journalists, usually to fulfil their own selfish desires. Or advertisers, for example. All advertisements influence ideas in order to promote their interests. There is no question about that.
On the other hand, as parents, you don’t communicate with your children to push your own desires. In the vast majority of cases, you just try to convey what you think is in the best interests of your offspring.
So you always have to try to see the true intention behind communication. Sometimes it’s not that easy. So is there another way to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you?
Manipulative techniques in communication and how to defend yourself against them
Knowledge of manipulative techniques may come in handy at times, although you should use it sparingly. Awareness of these techniques is more useful for recognising when someone is trying to manipulate you. Try to focus on the following in particular:
Playing with emotions. A manipulative person exploits your emotions. If you are happy, they will immediately take advantage of this and force you to do something you would not normally do. Whenever you are vulnerable, they will use this to their advantage.
Impatience and irritability. Manipulators pursue their goals relentlessly, and if they fail, you will probably notice how frustrated they are. They react irritably, are unhappy and angry.
Lack of listening. Communication is not just about talking, but also about listening. People who manipulate others do not care about this. They do not wait to hear what you have to say, they do not respond to it, they just impatiently wait for the moment when they can start talking again.
Manipulating others. Sometimes, when the person in question communicates with another person, you will notice the manipulation. If they manipulate others, they are likely to do the same to you.
Inducing fear. This practice plays on emotions. The manipulator induces a feeling of fear in you about what might happen if you do not comply with their interests.
Time pressure. Are they trying to convince you that you have to decide on something quickly? This is a well-known technique; under pressure, people often agree to something they would not normally do.
Lying and concealment. When a manipulator tries to force you to do something, they often have to tweak the facts a little, or at least not tell you the whole truth. If you ever come across something like this, be on your guard.
You can defend yourself against these techniques
It is best to avoid people who try to manipulate you altogether. However, sometimes this is not possible. In such cases, arm yourself with patience and as soon as you realise that the person is trying to manipulate you, launch a counterattack.
Do not go it alone. If you are afraid of manipulation, invite a third person to join the conversation. If it is someone you know, they will describe the situation from their perspective. If not, perhaps the manipulator will at least try to keep the conversation focused on real issues and not waste time on nonsense.
Try to engage in dialogue. Are they not listening to you? Teach them to communicate. Listen carefully and respond to what they say. You may reach a mutual understanding.
Come to terms with disagreement. Make it clear that you do not have to agree with this person. They are not trying to convince you for reasonable reasons, but for their own benefit. And that is not a reason for you to change your mind.
Tell them the truth. The manipulator will probably want something from you. This ‘offer’ is, of course, particularly advantageous for them, so don’t be afraid to tell them so. Ask them if they think it’s reasonable, if they’re asking or telling you as a done deal, etc. See what arguments they have prepared.
Ask for time. Don’t let yourself be manipulated into something you don’t want just because of some silly deadline. If they ask you for something, simply ask for time to think about it.
Say a clear no. Everyone has the right to say no. It should not be arrogant, but rather diplomatic. The goal of communication is for both sides to agree. Either you will not agree at all, or you will come up with a compromise. However, the manipulator will realise that they cannot convince you so easily.
Try to get manipulators out of your life
Healthy communication should leave both parties enriched and agreed on a compromise. This is not the case with manipulative communication. However, you can try to defend yourself against the manipulator and turn the conversation around for the better. Also, remember that no one needs manipulators in their life. So unless it is someone you have to see for some reason, it would be a good idea to limit your contact with them. Don’t let yourself be manipulated! You can learn more about interpersonal communication, as part of the MBA programme at CEMI.
What is an MBA degree? And how does online MBA study work at our institution?
