Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinion in such a way that no one feels offended or insulted. Assertiveness in the workplace brings the team together, helps create a pleasant working environment, and prevents arguments. It can be applied when dealing with colleagues, clients, management, and even in your personal life. And like many other skills, it can be learned. How can you learn assertive behavior and how can you use it at work and in your personal life?
Ten Commandments of Assertiveness
If you want to learn how to be assertive, we recommend that you first read Andrew Salter‘s Ten Commandments of Assertiveness. According to these commandments, you have the right to:
- judge your own behavior, thoughts, opinions, and emotions, and be responsible for them and their consequences.
- not offer any excuses or justifications for your behavior.
- make mistakes and be responsible for them.
- make illogical or unexpected decisions.
- change your mind.
- to assess whether you are responsible for solving other people’s problems.
- to be independent of the goodwill of others.
- to say, “I don’t know.”
- to say, “I don’t understand.”
- to say, “I don’t care.”
How to apply assertive techniques in practice
An assertive person is not afraid to express their opinion, even if it differs completely from everyone else’s. They know how to stand their ground while listening to others and tolerating their different opinions. They come across as confident, determined, and assertive.
If you struggle with stress, nervousness, or shyness, work on breathing exercises and prepare carefully for meetings and consultations. Always listen to the opinions of others and tell them yours. It is perfectly okay for people to have different views on things. Try to explain to others why you stand by your opinion. At the same time, don’t ridicule or underestimate the opinions of others, so they don’t feel that you are trying to elevate yourself above them.
Real-life example: If a colleague or manager comes to you at the last minute with a task that you know you won’t be able to complete, take a deep breath and think about your response. Don’t raise your voice at your colleague, don’t be aggressive, and avoid ironic and sarcastic remarks. Comments such as “Are you kidding me?!” are best avoided. Likewise, forget about silent suffering. Agreeing to a task that you know is unrealistic and taking it on just to avoid looking bad in someone’s eyes is not exactly ideal. Explain to your colleague that you don’t currently have enough capacity, but if the task is so urgent, you can move other tasks to the next day. Stand by this opinion and don’t let yourself be swayed by phrases like “But you can do it all. It’ll only take a moment. I believe in you.”
The same applies to meetings and work gatherings. If, for example, you disagree with the proposed approach and have come up with your own solution, don’t be afraid to speak up. Present your proposal to your colleagues and explain why you think this solution is appropriate. Refer to previous experiences, data, or other information that helped you arrive at this solution.
Assertive techniques for a peaceful workplace
- Be honest and open, but don’t question other people’s opinions.
- Don’t avoid eye contact.
- Don’t be afraid to say no. It’s not a dirty word, and we all have the right to use it.
- Don’t be afraid to say yes, even if others say no. If that’s how you feel, stand by it.
- Speak clearly. Don’t whisper or shout.
- Try to find compromises. Sometimes you just can’t agree with your colleagues. In that case, you need to find a solution that suits everyone.
- Listen to criticism of your proposal and ask for more information. This will prevent arguments and you may find a solution together.
- Learn to ignore unreasonable or unconstructive criticism. Sometimes it is better to keep a cool head and ignore the angry person.
- Believe in yourself and think about yourself. Focus on self-development, your goals, and building your career.
Do you want to work on your assertiveness under the guidance of experienced professionals and at the same time increase your value in the job market? As part of our MBA program, we offer courses that will help you communicate within a team and lead people. Take a look at our MBA study programs.
