Switching from formal to informal address isn’t simple, especially at work. Changing the way you address someone can significantly affect your relationship. You probably don’t want to use informal address with someone you don’t know well – unless, of course, they, as the boss, suggest it. That’s where things start to get a bit tricky.
“I like you, we can use informal address.” Your colleague keeps frowning, so you stick to formal address… Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Beyond personal sympathy and a sense of closeness (regardless of social status), other factors influence workplace interactions: social etiquette, company rules, and customs, which can vary across countries.
For clarification, originally only informal address existed. Our ancestors only started using formal address in the mid-15th century as a way to show politeness and respect. Attempts to eliminate formal address failed. They were based on the argument that everyone is equal – which simply isn’t true. We definitely don’t have the same relationship with everyone.
Superior, Woman, Older Colleague
The basic rule for addressing someone is clear: informal address (“you”) is always offered by the socially or professionally higher-ranking individual.
In practice, this means:
A superior offers informal address to a subordinate
An employee must never offer informal address to their boss, even if they are a decade older. (If a subordinate really wants the boss to use informal address, they may request it—but must continue using formal address themselves.) This rule also applies to a senior secretary, even if she could be the boss’s mother. She cannot offer informal address to another male superior either, even if he is not her direct manager.
Here, workplace etiquette overrides general social norms, where women often hold higher status. This makes sense, as responsibility lies with the superior, who should decide whom to let closer.A woman offers informal address to a man
If there is no superior-subordinate relationship, informal address is always offered by the woman—even if the man is older.An older person offers informal address to a younger person
For colleagues of roughly the same age, it is up to them who offers informal address, depending on personal feelings, how long they’ve known each other, and how often they interact.
It’s also interesting that in a business context, although the relationship between a salesperson and a client is not strictly hierarchical, the client offers informal address.
Reality Can Be More Complex
In practice, situations can become more complicated.
What if a young man becomes the head of a female team where everyone uses informal address? The sensible approach is for him to invite the women to use informal address with him. A trickier scenario is when some subordinates use informal address among themselves, and others do not. In that case, the best solution is to offer informal address only to his closest colleagues.
Similarly, complications arise when a young woman becomes the head of a male team. She is socially higher-ranking and a superior, so the offer of informal address should come from her. But if her subordinates are highly respected, significantly older men in the field, they may also offer her informal address.
Internal Guidelines Bring Clarity
To avoid awkward situations, companies benefit from internal policies. These act as guidance, helping prevent unintended consequences from incorrectly addressing colleagues. Addressing someone is not just about words; it reflects overall behavior and conveys how someone feels about you. Context is key. Proper address supports good relationships and, by extension, company success.
Informal and formal address can either foster relationships or be counterproductive.
Informal address generally brings people closer. But if a boss uses informal address with a subordinate while being harsh, it can come across as condescending. Or, a lenient superior may inadvertently allow subordinates to overstep boundaries.
Formal address creates a barrier that preserves dignity and identity, but it can hinder emotional connection, idea-sharing, and informal collaboration.
Thus, having a clear policy reflecting your company culture is essential. Government offices often use formal address with titles. German and French companies prefer polite forms, whereas American workplaces favor informal address.
It also depends on the sector. Start-ups or companies with casual cultures (like snowboard manufacturers) favor informal address, while banks tend to maintain formal distance. Corporate culture shapes how employees communicate and address one another.
It’s All About People
Not everyone likes being forced to switch to informal address. If your boss requests it, you should comply. At the same time, a superior should generally maintain formal address for their own benefit. Forcing informal address rarely strengthens relationships.
Formal address is a safe option when there is potential disagreement, with less-frequent colleagues, subordinates, or new hires. Every newcomer should be informed of the company’s established addressing norms – this is an HR responsibility.
If someone is uncomfortable with informal address, a compromise is using first names with formal address. This approach combines professionalism and respect with a slightly more personal, relaxed tone. It can serve as a transitional stage until the relationship matures enough for informal address. How to properly set company culture regarding addressing colleagues can be learned in an MBA studies.
